| suicide.. |
[Nov. 17th, 2009♠ |♠09:03 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | life | ] |
| [ | Mindset |
| |  depressed | ] |
..is heavily on my mind. i can't stand the person i am......... for the first time in like 2 years i began cutting myself again. i just want it to be over. i feel so alone in this world. like it's me against the world. and i can't handle the pressure anymore. too bad i'm broke, if i wasn't i'd buy sum pills & try my hardest to overdose. i just can't do it anymore. i'm tempted to take my mom's pills... or even jump off the bridge.. idk wut i'm gonna do.. but this thing called LIFE is beginning to be unbearable. i've been fighting these suicidal thoughts for the past 7 years & it just gets worse & worse with time. even if it doesn't happen now. i just know that's how i'm gonna go out. i'm like 100% positive i'll eventually go through with it. my future is so cloudy. i see nothing good happening. i can't find a job.. school is taking too damn long to start, plus i don't know how i'm gonna pay for it... & me.. my past. my present. my future. who am i? why was i even brought into this world... to feel the pain that i feel inside??? words can't describe how much pain i feel. i jus wanna scream.. throw shit.. anything that may make me feel better. i guess that's why i drink so much.. to numb the pain. i'm only 22.. don't know how much longer i'm destined to live, but damn it seems like forever.. especially when nothing seems to be going right. i don't kno how much more i can put up with. i'm tired of people throwing my past in my face. making me feel like shit. making me hate myself even more. i already have nobody. who can i run to when i need advice, comfort, a shoulder to lean on....? no one. why? cuz they're all backstabbers... everyone. |
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