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someone to love [Jun. 8th, 2017♠ |♠04:28 am]
..lost
[Mindset |discontentdiscontent]
[Listenin' II |someone to love--jon b]

so i'm up late.. knowing I have work tmrw. and idc at all. I got all in my feelings listening to this jon b and babyface.. smh

I be tryna be all hard n shit, but I want it. I want it BAD! but from the right person. Brandon wasn't the one man. I would sometimes think he might be, but he was just too damn agg. ain't no way.. ain't no fuckin way **in my future voice** lol. my main thing is finding time. cuz when i'm off, I just want to be with the kids. it would be great if he had a daughter around my daughter's age and we can do things together with the kids.. oh boy has none. I be feeling him. wanting him to be that one at times, but he doesn't give me that feeling back. all I get from him is wanting sex due to how we met. so I drift away and we go weeks without even speaking. he did meet the kids about 2 weeks ago. I was feelin the lil interaction, but I just don't see him actually wanting anything more with me. ...I hate the fact that I might have to change who I am to get some better attention. like i'm to the point where i'm willing to up my maintenance to get a fiya ass man on my team. maybe I should start wearing makeup daily and having my hair done weekly. shit idfk!! i'm really not that person, but fuck.. maybe that's my problem. idc about my appearance enough. I mean it was easy to get a nigga back in the day, but that was way before this social media shit blew up. you got all this eye candy out here.. guess u gotta keep up with the times.. and trends.

I talk to the ex here and there. we were supposed to hang out a few weeks ago, but I canceled. I hate the fact that everyone who seems to be interested is only interested in one thing. most guys I meet now are in a relationship or married. none are upfront about it. they just do shit that lets you know, bruh something ain't right with this picture. look at the bd. I been questioning him about this since right after my daughter was born. shit finally came out this year in court. if it was up to him, he'd still be single with no kids. then the ex never told me he was married. I had to mention it to him. he didn't deny it, so I guess he can get a point for that.. smfh. these niggas really ain't shit. the bd been hittin me up lately. a few weeks ago I was about ready to give in cuz I was just too fuckin hot! glad I didn't tho.. fuck him! only reason he's showing interest in my baby all of a sudden is cuz he wanna fuck sumthin. it always leads back to us.. hooking up.

I don't even feel like typing anymore.. i'll be back probably the weekend. fuck this.
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